My Biggest Lesson from 2025

I thought it would be cool to share this with you. I've been on a journey the last few years, and this past year (2025) was really the year it all clicked (or made sense). This is a bit of a personal episode, but hopefully that wont deter you from listening to it. There's some great vocab in there as always, and a challenge for you at the end of the episode. WARNING: you're going to be intimidated by it, but it's probably exactly what you need.

⁠TRANSCRIPT⁠

Transcript

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Hey, what's up? What's going on? Welcome to another episode of English with Dane, a podcast designed to help you enjoy the process of perfecting your English. As always, I'm your host, Dane, and you can find me on Instagram and TikTok at Englishwith Dane. For today's episode, I thought it would be cool to take a look back at the most important lesson I've learned in 2025, and also to take a look at goals and ambitions or resolutions for 2026. It's been an intense year for sure, ups and downs, ebbs and flows. Que one expresión, esa ebbs escrito E B S and Flows, F-L-O-W-S. Ebbs and flows are like rhythmic fluctuations. Okay, I think it comes from talking about tides, mareas, from describing tides. So natural rhythms or a continuous pattern of increasing and decreasing. So this year has been full of ebbs and flows. So let's jump in and let's talk about what I've learned, what I've realized, or what I've internalized this year, and what I want to change and build on for this upcoming 2026. I'd also love to hear from you about this, not just about what you've learned this year, but what you hope to achieve, change, or like I said, build on for this year. Don't be shy, write to me, send me an email, whatever you want to do. All right, let's get into it. You are listening to episode 36 of season two of English with Dane. Hit it. Maybe some of these things ring true for you too. Awesome expression there. Or is it a phrasal verb? Wait, let's look it up. Okay, it's considered an expression or an idiomatic phrase to ring true. Apparently, it dates back to medieval times where coins were made with gold and silver, and if they were real, they had a specific sound to them when they were hit. They would have a particular ring or a tone that they would produce so you know that they were real. It also comes from making bells, campanas, making bells. If they were well cast, si están bien hechas o fabricadas o fundidas o lo que fuera, they would have a particular sound so you know they were of good quality. So now we say that something rings true when we want to say that it sounds genuine, authentic, that it sounds right, or that it fits reality or matches your experience. A long explanation, but I think it's a cool expression. So I want to share a few things I've learned which might ring true to you. The first one is about self-perception. So for a long time, I have been preoccupied with how I'm perceived by others, right? How people feel about me, if I'm coming across as likable, et cetera. It's that feeling of wanting to be liked by everyone, maybe accepted by everyone. But I have learned that this feeling or this need often comes at the expense of how I feel about myself. When we change in order to be liked, and it doesn't have to be a drastic change. In fact, it's often a lot of small things like an opinion here or taste thing there, or even agreeing with a certain view or point. So when we do that, we silence how we really feel, which then leads to a feeling or a lack of authenticity with yourself. A lot of people do this, right, at work, for example. You change a bit, maybe not your values and your morals, or maybe even your values and morals, in order to fit in a little bit more, to maybe get your foot in the door for a promotion, or just to feel like you are part of a group because that feels nice and safe. I think it's a normal thing humans do, which I'm sure has its roots, sus raíces, its roots in evolutionary psychology. What has really clicked for me this year, what I what I've really internalized, what has really clicked for me this year is that this is a kind of prison that oftentimes holds us back or doesn't allow us to move forward, right? It holds us back. That fear of not being liked can be overwhelming for some people. Some people, of course, don't care. And I used to think of these people as lacking empathy or self-awareness, which I'm sure is the case for some. But I realized that I started envying this trait or characteristic. Like I wanted to have it, right? I it was causing me envy. I think it's good to have a notion of other people's opinion of you, right? But I think you have to really limit how much it affects you because how you feel about you is much more important in the grand scheme of things, no, como a la larga or like visto de una manera general. This leads me to the topic of shame or embarrassment. I think it's interesting that in Spanish we have one word for both of these. In Spanish we just have vergüenza, no? But in English we have embarrassment and shame. They're not the same thing. Embarrassment is a temporary surface-level emotion that you might feel after a small social mistake, maybe. Maybe in English terms you mispronounce a word, someone corrects you, and maybe you have a little bit of a moment where you feel a bit stupid or a bit embarrassed for a second. Embarrassment is often short-lived, short-lived, so it comes and goes. But then we have shame. Now, shame is a deeper, more internal emotion tied to how you see yourself. It's about who you are, not what you just did. It's about who you are, not what you just did. It relates to identity, and it's much harder to shake off. It's harder to overcome or ignore, right? To shake off. There's almost an element of something is wrong with me, right? I think I didn't understand that difference before. And although it seems trivial or maybe insignificant to some, I think I have kind of merged or joined these two over the years. We might feel shame for a myriad of reasons or for a big range, a wide range of reasons, some of which can be traumas that have happened in your early life, perhaps. And while these events that caused this were not your fault necessarily, they are your responsibility to address moving forward. And I think I didn't really understand that. I think by moving around in my case and changing schools at pretty crucial ages, I was always worried about fitting in and adapting to the environments I found myself in. And although I think changing countries and schools was overall a positive thing in my life, this is one aspect that I didn't address or even realize until later in life. Why am I telling you this? Well, I think I'm telling you this because to a certain extent, we all have a level of embarrassment or shame that holds us back. And I'm not just talking about speaking English and using your English out in the world, which of course has a lot to do with all of this that I'm speaking about, but I think just in our professional and personal lives in general. I started posting stuff on social media around five years ago. Initially just audio stuff, because showing my face was way too daunting. Daunting is spelled D-A-U-N-T-I-N-G. Daunting. If something is daunting, it's intimidating or overwhelming. So it was daunting for me to post my face, so I posted some audio stuff. Then my other podcast started, and my face started appearing in social media clips that were watched by a lot of people, and I was confronted with this insecurity that had built up, over all these years. People would insult me, people would judge me based on a 30-second clip, and write really mean things to me, obviously without knowing me. People would DM me saying mean things, or would make reaction videos to things I said. It was kind of like my worst fear becoming reality, not being liked and being misrepresented. But what also came with this exposure was a whole group of people who appreciated me, who understood where I was coming from, who felt a kinship with me in terms of how I see the world and how I like to express myself. I understood that you can't have one without the other. There is nobody who is universally well liked. Think of the most likable person you can possibly think of, and I guarantee there are people who can't stand this person. I think a lot of people, and I include myself in this, I think a lot of people are intimidated by this idea of not being liked to the point where we mute ourselves in various aspects of life. Over the past few years, through this kind of exposure therapy, let's call it, that I've been through, I have come to a conclusion that honestly feels really liberating. Confidence is not something you either have or don't. Confidence is something you practice and become good at. Some people are more confident than others right off the bat, the Primeira, right off the bat, sure. But confidence is something you work on just like anything else. It's a skill and it is not an innate trait or ability or characteristic. It's not innate. Strangers seeing you can be overwhelming, sure, but oftentimes it's the people close to us or in our lives whose judgment we fear. Maybe you want to upload a video about something you thought was funny or cute, but you didn't because of what people in your life would say to you. And that's the kind of prison, in talking about. And it's a prison that you can break out of. The same is true for your English, right? A while ago I put up a story inviting people to send me an audio speaking English, like mensaje de voz, so I could help them with their accent or give them some thoughts or tips or advice. And what I found was that overall, the people that sent an audio sounded great, but they all thought they didn't. People who sounded natural and fluent, saying they felt really insecure about how they sounded. Several of you who sent me audios mentioned that you felt insecure because people had commented on your accent at some point and that that action made you really start to overthink it. This is the exact thing I've been talking about. When we give power to other people's perspective about ourselves, we slowly erode or take away our confidence. This realization has helped me this past year to break out of my shell a bit more, to be less judgmental with myself, and to just find comfort in being who I am. Not everyone is going to like you, not everyone wants you to do well, not everyone wants to see you succeed because it's oftentimes intimidating to them. The world is full of mediocre people who are successful because they don't care about what other people think about them and because they have the audacity to believe in themselves. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that the biggest lesson I've learned in 2025 is to believe in myself, to trust my judgment, my intuition, and to just do things. And now when I feel resistance to doing something, I ask myself, is this internal or external? Do I just personally not believe much in this idea, or am I worried about how it will be perceived by others? If it's the former, then okay. But if it's the latter, I know I'm in a place where I'm maybe feeling a bit low in terms of myself, and that that's the insecurity peaking its ugly face. I hope this all makes sense to you, and I'm not just pouring the results of my therapy onto you. I think this is a message that you can apply to everything, really, from your personal life to your professional life. Maybe it's as simple as wearing what you truly want to wear versus what you think is socially expected of you to wear. Maybe it's speaking up in a meeting when you don't agree with something your boss said, whatever the case may be. Alright, so I've covered the biggest lesson I've learned and really internalized this past year. So now let's talk 2026. I don't believe in new year new me. You might already know that if you've been listening for a while. I don't think drastic changes are sustainable, and I think we should be slowly trying to improve ourselves and the improved things we're unhappy with over time. I think resolutions, like New Year's resolutions, should be more focused on smaller, achievable goals that stack up, que van sumando, that stack up over time. I'm going to mention a few goals that I have, and then I want to talk about a few goals that I would like for you to have, if you allow me to be bold enough to tell you what to do. My first resolution is to be more present in my own life and to stop avoiding uncomfortable feelings. It sounds like a huge goal, I know, but I think for me it boils down to, to boil down means like to reduce something to its most essential component. I think it boils down to one simple thing, to not be on my phone as much and to stop filling silence with a constant stream of TV shows and podcasts. Oftentimes I feel the need to have something on in the background in order to not have to focus on how I'm feeling. It's like emotional procrastination. The way I see it is this. What feelings am I so scared to sit with and feel? Is it a feeling of not being where I want to be in life? Is it being scared that time is passing by and I'm not making the most of my life? If so, where is that feeling coming from? Is it because I'm on social media and too much? And I'm comparing the lowlights, the lowlights of my life with other people's highlights? What is it? And I want to approach this all from a feeling of empathy towards myself and zero judgment. So the plan is to leave my phone in my room when I'm doing things around the house, and when I have that feeling of, oh, I need my phone for a second. As I'm walking back to my room, I'll evaluate if I really need it or if I'm just procrastinating, dealing with a certain feeling or emotion. The second resolution goes hand in hand with this one. I want to read more. I actually love reading, but I've neglected it a lot over the past few years. I feel a lot of resistance when I think about reading, but it really goes away the moment I actually pick up a book and start to read. It's kind of like exercising, da berita, but you never regret it once you've done it. So I'm going to choose a book this week and read for 15 minutes a day, maybe before bed, maybe while having a coffee mid-morning, whatever the case may be. I don't want to scroll my social media feed before bed. That's not helping me at all. I'm just looking for a little bit of dopamine and I'm tricking myself like a drug addict who thinks they're going to stop after their next hit. Maybe that's a bit drastic, but you get what I'm trying to say. And my third resolution is to write a song. I used to write songs and produce music all the time, but I stopped because I couldn't get out of that dynamic I described earlier. I would be writing or producing thinking, will people like this? Is this a good song? Instead of just writing what I felt and being happy if I liked what it sounded like. I think that's where good art comes from, and I'm not saying that what I make is good art, but I think now that I've let go of a lot of this bullshit, I'm finally back in a place where I can enjoy the process like I did when I was a teenager who was writing for the love of it with zero expectations. So those are three things I want to achieve this year. Now, this is the part where I tell you what to do. I want you to improve your English, and so do you. That's why you're listening to me right now, right? I want you to feel much better about your English and about yourself by the time 2027 rolls around. So here's the plan. You're gonna choose a book just like me, and you're gonna read it. Give yourself a time frame that allows for lulls or drops, lulls in motivation. Consistency is hard, and you'll have days where you really just don't feel like it, and that's okay. The key is to not be all, oh man, I said I would do this and I didn't, oh I'm such a piece of shit, I always do this, blah, blah, blah. Let's avoid that negative self-talk. So choose a book, como si es Harry Potter, me da igual, and just read a page or two a day, or find five minutes in your day where you can read. Maybe just leave it in your bathroom and read it when you go in there. That's the first thing. If you're already reading a book in English, then maybe the step for you is to be writing down some vocabulary that you find. Add a few words per week, write them down in context, and move on. Nothing crazy. And this is the second one. This one is a bit more daunting, but honestly, I think it's what will help you the most. And not just speaking, but with confidence. And I'm warning you, some of you will hear this and be horrified that I'm even suggesting it. But I promise you that this will be a breakthrough for you if you do it. So at the end of your week, open your phone camera, the frontal one, and put it down in front of you. You're gonna see your own face and think, oh God, is that what I look like right now? Oh, this looks terrible. Oh, my hair, oh my God, my frontal camera has terrible quality. So if I thought, yes, have a moment to feel all of those things and get over yourself a little bit, because these are all of those external things that I was talking about acting up. Que vergüenza, wa, I hate my voice. Yes, all of that. We all feel that. Then you're going to imagine that you're talking to your best friend or a pen pal or an imaginary person or even a celebrity that you love, whoever it is, and you're going to tell them about your week. Maybe a few things you did, something that was challenging, some drama in your friend group, how you felt this week, whatever. Literally. Only for a minute or two, or however long you think feels okay. It might be 20 seconds at first because you're embarrassed and you think it's ridiculous and you only get out a few sentences. That's okay. The reason this works is because for some reason, when a camera is on us, we get flustered, right? We start acting weird, we feel watched and judged. And that's what we need to work on. So after you record that video, you're going to erase it. You're not even going to watch it. You're going into your camera role, into your gallery, and you're going to delete it forever without watching it. You're going to do this every week, non-negotiable. I rather you record a 10-second video where you say one or two things than not do it at all. This is the exposure therapy or that shock therapy that I went through that has honestly really changed my life. If you can do this consistently, you are going to flip out with how much your confidence grows, even by like the third month. And after a year, you're going to be a pro at doing this. Remember, you're talking to one person. Don't ever think you're talking to the world or to different people. It's one person. You can even imagine it's you from the past or you in the future, maybe a loved one that is no longer with us. Anyone you want. Try this, I promise it works. I do this, by the way, every week I put when I have an idea about something, I'll put my phone down and I'll talk as if I were doing a reel, and then I just delete it. It's like training a muscle, and I want to keep it going. So if I didn't record a video recently, I still know that I can do it. So that's it. Choose a book and then that video at the end of the week. Or at the beginning of the week. That works too. Talk about what you have to do and how you feel about it, etc. Alright. I hope I didn't ramble too much. To ramble means to go on and on about something. I'm sure I did ramble a little bit, but hopefully it was helpful. Sorry if this was maybe too personal an episode, and if you feel like this doesn't really apply to you. I know we don't all have the same insecurities and the same expectations, but I'm pretty sure that all of us are intimidated by speaking in front of a camera, even if it's for no one, and there's something to that. Alright, that's it for this episode of English with Dane. I hope you enjoyed it, and if you did, share it with someone who would also enjoy it. Follow the show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen. And if you have any feedback or you just want to say hey, write to me at English with Dane on Instagram or send me an email at EnglishwithDane at gmail.com. And also just thanks for listening. I appreciate it more than you know. All right, hope you're enjoying the holidays and getting to spend some time with the people who are important in your life. Later,